Hwk 31

From Bianca:
Amber,
The best part of your writing was when you reflected on how our society was gullible. We make choices and decisions without background information on the people that will be affected by such choices. I chose Proofreading as the Modality; I feel as though you provided a lot of thought-provoking work. However, you should work on your transitions from paragraph to paragraph. Refrain from sentence starters such as "I remember..." You're missing some commas here and there. One thing that I would point out for future reference is to always end your paragraphs with a concluding sentence that somehow reconnects back to your overarching point/thesis. Ending a paragraph with only a quote makes it seem like a cliffhanger or rather, a quote without analysis.
Bianca

From Kevin:
I read your post for depth and insight. I found myself shaking my head while reading your post, not because it is bad, but because it made me think about all the times I blindly trusted someone. That we find ourselves trusting people we don't know all the time, to make our food, to treat us while were sick, to teach us, and the list goes on and on. I think if something is insightful it gets you thinking. That's what your post does. It makes you think, what if this is happening to someone I know. Based off of your research there's a 16% chance it could be. It opens your eyes to things. This project had a lot of depth, as well as great insights.

From Sophia:
I really liked this part of your post:

"While taking a part of this interesting project I learned a number of things. Our society is very gullible; we trust individuals without making any attempt to learn much about them. Our society is too busy with unnecessary worries; we forget about making an attempt to learn about serious risk factors that may harm one later on. In this specific case people are willing to take a risk to put them self our a loved one in an institution with strangers who they have no clue where they come from and how big of a threat they may be. Some of the articles I read discussed that many of these residents fear of exposing these horrified accounts. It is usually their loved ones that make them do so. Not only does our society fear about exposing the idea of illness and death to the public, but we also have a fear of showing imperfection."

I thought this summed up your point well - that people don't really know what goes on in nursing homes, and that they don't bother to check. It was also a good comment on how people tend to act. I didn't know a lot about neglect and abuse in nursing homes before reading your post, and before you gave your speech I hadn't even thought about it, so this really opened my eyes.

From Basement (Brother):
Amber,
There was one part that really stood out while reading this. It was when you said: “Our society is too busy with unnecessary worries; we forget about making an attempt to learn about serious risk factors that may harm one later on. In this specific case people are willing to take a risk to put them self or a loved one in an institution with strangers who they have no clue where they come from and how big of a threat they may be.” You are right. As a community we believe that everything will turn out to be okay, but this is not always true. I think you chose to do your project on something that will raise awareness for a lot of people.
Nabil

From Attic (Mother):
Amber,
I think you chose a topic that can connect to many of us. I don’t know much about nursing homes because as you know in Pakistan the idea of nursing homes is not as common when compared to the United States. Back at home, the ill or the near death rarely depend on outsiders. They usually depend on their children to support them in their elder age. I was able to learn a lot while reading this. One sentence that I liked a lot was when you stated: “ Some of the articles I read discussed that many of these residents fear of exposing these horrified accounts. It is usually their loved ones that make them do so.” I agree with you, this society we live in is usually afraid to approach others about their flaws or problems. We have become used to this idea. I think this an insightful project you did; I gained a lot of information I was not well aware of beforehand.
Shahana

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Hi Bianca,
I read your post while keeping beauty in mind. I personally think that you did a nice job with this assignment. You used a number of quotes from different resources and chose a topic that each and every one of us can do a well job of connecting to. Your sentences flowed well, and I was able to fully grasp all the concepts you were getting at while taking a part of this project. As a reader I was able to place myself in the situations you were referring to. One in particular was when you were talking about the fact that all of us will be near death at one point in our life and we will have to deal with it one way or another. It really made me stop and think about which choice I would prefer while being near death. Keep up the good work!
Amber

Hey Kevin,
I read your post while looking for depth and insight. I liked the topic you chose; to be honest I wasn’t really fond for learning about the HMOs and the health care flaws in the United States. But after reading your assignment, I was able to fully understand our flawed system and how it makes “bad things happen to good people”. I thought you made a great decision of interviewing a homeless man. Usually in our society we try to ignore the homeless and go amongst our daily lives as they live their lives on the streets as wallflowers. From what I can remember, I have never made an attempt to approach a homeless individual to ask about their personal life. While you were sharing the experiment you conducted in the outside world, I was able to learn that this was only one person out of the many who are suffering from a flawed health care system. While reading this I was able to understand where you stand at regarding this nationwide healthcare dilemma. For next time, I would advise you to proof read as there were a few grammar mistakes. Otherwise, nice job.
Amber