Extra Credit

I decided to use this extra credit assignment to gain some more insights and experience on illness and dying before we move on to the next unit. I have a close family friend who has been admitted in a hospital for cancer. My parents have been taking out some of their time to pay him a visit at least once a week; I decided to join them on their visits throughout this week. This is one specific visit I paid yesterday (Saturday). While taking the elevator ride up to the seventh floor, I asked my father how long his friend has been in the hospital for; he told me that it has been almost a month now. “Wow…” Was all I could say to myself at the time; I could not imagine myself in the same position. As a society we usually fear hospitals and such environments, but when we become ill or near death we are willing to spend all the time we have being treated there. The elevator doors opened and we were greeted by a desk, where a few doctors were talking to the people behind the desk. We turned to the right and entered a room.

There I saw him lying on his bed, with his wife sitting beside him. There was a curtain that took place of a partition from another patient on the other side. His wife was feeding him something, it seemed like pudding to me. We all said our Salams, then my parents started to ask then how they are doing, he responded with “Alhumdulilah” (Praise to God). As time progressed he started to talk about his childhood and his future plans. He said that he wants to be there when his daughter who is in first grade now is getting married. He talked about his dreams of performing Hajj before he dies. Later on he started to complain about his poor eyesight which was caused by his cancer. I noticed that the room was a bit tight in space; not everything was neatly organized, but everything seemed to be well sanitized. Throughout the time we were with him he had ate some pudding like substance, and drank an ensure shake. Only once did a doctor come in to do an eye exam on him. After about an hour and thirty minutes had passed, he seemed to look tired, so we said our goodbyes and departed.

Growing up it was normal to see my father’s friend at our house for dinner. I remember he used to have a fuller figure, but now it seemed as if he has lost a lot of weight. Other then him losing a lot of weight, I wouldn’t be able to tell that is sick with cancer. He talked as he did before, but now the topics which he discussed differed from his previous discussions with my father. Before he used to discuss issues that were occurring in his present life; now he was sharing his aims for the future and his past such as his childhood. Both he and his wife seemed to be pretty calm; I imagined his wife to have lost some weight or have some external changes such as the way she dressed or did her make up, but not much differed from the way she looked in the past.

Throughout the whole time I felt like I was an observer and a listener. I felt normal as I do most of the time. At some points I felt bad for him, this man had a young child, what would happen to her if he wasn’t able to live for long? I remembered that night to keep him and his family in my prayers; I continue to do so to this day. I wish that I could be able to make a drastic change in his health, but I am well aware that this is not possible. I remember that I was thinking to myself about why certain people become sick while other live healthy lifestyles? What sets them apart? But I kept all these thoughts to myself, because it wouldn’t have made much a difference if I were to share them.

Some social practices that supported their dignity were the visits being paid to them by family and friends they usually don’t get to see very often. He also had his wife performing all the usual tasks he would perform himself if he wasn’t sick. We made sure to bring him something with every visit we paid him, usually it was some beverage. I guess it all depends on how one looks at the situation. Each individual has a different approach to everything; it is the same for this case as well. One may feel happy with all the pity they receive upon their sickness while another may not like it as much. Usually we enjoy the pity we receive because we like attention, but others may not like the pity because the trigger of all this pity is their sickness. I would say that in this specific situation, my father’s friend seemed to be neutral.