Hwk 28

Bianca,
I am providing you feedback based on the depth and insight you provided in this assignment. Reading your response made me feel as if I was there with you while you were visiting Bernice. I can picture her frail body laying in bed, with nothing much left to do in this world. I enjoyed the descriptive details you used, while learning about your internship at Mount Sinai hospital. You gave some nice insights to the reader when you were connecting your experience of visiting Bernice to the presentation Beth gave us about her husband's death. Although, I would have liked it better if you had went a bit more further with these insights. I felt like your description overpowered your insights. For next time I would advise you to keep your insights proportional to your details. You left me with an urge to read more of how this can connect to other sources we referred to in this unit. Overall you did a nice job.
Amber

Kevin,
I am commenting on your response based on perspective. You shared an interesting story about your grandmother being ill for some time and how she made a dramatic recovery by the help of oxygen tanks. As a reader this raises my hopes for many things in life. Usually in illness and death related situations we tend to ignore the worst and hope for the best. By witnessing your grandmother go through a phase of being seriously sick, you and your family became worried which triggered them to prepare for the worst. Your mother thought that your grandmother would be dead by August, yet the outcomes proved her wrong. Having this story take place in your life makes me feel that you have a different approach to illness and death in society. Our culture tends to ignore the obvious signs of bad news, by trying to think positive. I feel as if doing so does not help much, but in your case it did. Your grandmother is much healthier when compared to the state she was in some time ago. By reading this I felt like I have changed some of my personal views on death and illness. Your work will cause many to take a new approach on illness and death. Keep it up :)
Amber
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Shahana (Mom-Attic):
Amber, I agree when you say: "In our culture we have always been taught to have a positive approach to illness and death, which makes us weak when we try to digest the bitter fact of death. " When we hear about someone becoming ill, or near death we shower them with well wishes and unnecessary materials to offer our pity towards them. Our society wants us to always hope for the best, but when the outcomes turns out to be the opposite we have nothing left to do but grieve about the loss of a beloved member in our life.

Nabil (Brother-Basement):
Amber, I liked your last sentence: "Why do we risk the life of our loved ones in the hands of a stranger who claims to have a medical degree?" I think you made a good point, It made me apply this to the real world out there. We automatically run to the doctor as soon as we get sick, but how are we so sure that he/she will find the right cure for us? It also tells me about your thoughts on our society. I will now have second thoughts about visiting the doctor next time.

Kevin:
I read this post looking for depth and insight. This post had a lot of powerful questions and great insights. An example of this from your first paragraph would be, "Atop the table besides him sits a bouquet of flowers. How will this contribute in making him feel better? Did placing these flowers here guarantee that he will be living another day? Why waste all this money to show pity?" When you ask questions like these, it makes the reader think. I know it made me think, and it kind of just made a common practice in our society look stupid. Questions like these keep the reader interested and engaged. Furthermore, when you answer the questions you pose it gets the reader back into the account and takes them deeper. This writing was very detailed, very vivid and very interesting. It is one of those pieces where I can tell you put a lot of effort into the writing. Good work, I can't wait to read more!

Bianca:
Amber,
Your post is truly beautiful. The details you used posed as a perfect way to introduce this situation. The best part of your blog post was, " I watch as his chest repeats a countless cycle of slowly rising and falling." It really created a picture in my mind, an incredible visual aid. On this blog post, I am going to focus on the modality, Proofreading. Your punctuation is almost perfect, some flaws here and there. You should think about making your main points more concise, though I think your attention to detail compensates for that.
Bianca